Essays of Demosthenes

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 19:10:25 GMT

Is it just me or is facebook becoming stalker central?

I'm not ok with this.

If you want to know about my life, call me. 513-255-5709

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 23:45:35 GMT

Go here, page through the quotations look until you find five (5) that you think reflect who you are or what you believe. Repost in your journal and tag five friends. Mine:

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.: Woody Allen

I think we agree, the past is over.

George W. Bush

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

Edgar Bergen

That last one explains why there are only three and I'm tagging no one.

I'd like to add one more that isn't on the web site:

Ooh, a Laserdisc. The Cheat's playin' something on a Laserdisc. Everything is better on Laserdisc. Whatever happened to the Laserdisc? Laserdisc!
Strong Bad

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 03:33:10 GMT

My phone is new, expensive, and fully operational. Same number. Please send me your phone numbers so I can call you from your front door when I'm stalking you.

Also, tomorrow, Monday, is my last day of work. I have the rest of the week off, that weekend is the festival, I go camping next weekend, and then I go back to school. So... what should I do Tuesday through Friday with the rest of my summer? How does one cram a whole summer into four days. please tell me what to do with my time.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 02:00:35 GMT

Good news!

Water damage isn't covered in the warranty and so i have to buy a new phone for $150. Huzzah! The day is mine!

...

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 01:21:02 GMT

Dearest friends,
    My phone has suffered tragic injuries at the hand of the elements, mostly the rain, and thus is disinclined to doing such things as turning on, making or answering calls, and generally working at all. Your prayers are welcome but it is in it's best wishes that we all continue to live life as normal as possible. If you would like to get in touch with me please call 385-5230. We could all use some help getting though this tough time, especially as it is so close to the recent loss of the Lucky Charms watch.
                       Much love,
                       Matt

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 02:25:26 GMT

Recent additions to movie library: Memento, The Pianist, Dr. Strangelove, Being John Malkovich, and Spirited Away. I'm still waiting for more in the mail and any hope of having money ever again thanks to an online shopping spree.

Recent additions to my memory: Beating the Junior Nationals team tonight in ultimate on hard cap by two points with a greatest in the end zone. Unbelieveable.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 03:20:35 GMT

The other day I realized I don't like people much. No, not you, dear reader, I love you. I just like to be alone better. I like to work alone, I want to read and write and listen to things and do most of that alone.

To be more precise, I don't like to do things. I don't like to go do things with people. I don't like to go out, go to parties, chill with friends.

To be more precise I have a schedule and if what you want to do or even sometimes what I want to do gets in the way of that schedule, I don't like it.

That's it.

I don't like to get calls from people. I am usually doing something, or thinking of doing something, or doing some thinking. That's why i am curt. That's why it sounds like I never want to talk to you.

"Don't make up excuses, Matt. Even when you call me you don't want to talk."

True. I call people with a purpose, talk about a, b, or c, and ask about d and e. That’s why I like it when people don't answer, cause then I don't have to talk to them and I can get other things done that I wanted to do more ... like check me email...

When people ask me to do things, even if I really want to do them, I am perturbed because it doesn't fit into my schedule.

...unless I planned such a thing into my schedule. Then it's a dream come true. If I plan on doing something Friday night and you call wanting to do something Friday night ... huzzah! (except you called when I didn't have time to talk to you according to my schedule but that is forgivable because you filled my schedule.)

If it is a Friday night and I have scheduled time for doing something and I have nothing to do and you call then i will latch on. I will love you.

But I think I like to be alone more. I like nights at home.

That's not entirely true. I think I am just saying these things because i have too much on my plate at the moment. I don't have enough time to myself and so I am resisting and pulling back and away from people. If I didn't work, for example, none of this would be true. I had a week off and it was nice half of the time... until i got bored and didn't want to read or write and felt guilty for watching too many movies by myself. When that is the case forget everything I just said.

But it isn't.

Even when I go out I have to be back semi early 'cause I planned on sleep. I'd rather be back early so I can check my email and read a thing or too before going to my wonderful bed to sleep. I may be having the most fun (Wed. night after seeing cars with an amazing group of people and laughing 'til it hurt at steak and shake) I'd rather go home to bed then hang out. This is probably just because I'm so busy though.

I don't even think I have a right to say I'm busy. My mom works nonstop: At the Green house, at P & G, at home cooking and washing clothes. My life is way easier than that. Brian works over sixty hours a week at his two jobs, seven days a week of work. I can't complain. Compared to them my life is cakewalk. (I think I just need more alone time due to the factors below)

I think I have just developed (due to (Freud) building Lego’s as a child, being shy, and the one time my mom and dad were super proud that I wrote out a schedule, complete with times, of when I was going to do what, one Saturday when I was twelve) an unnatural need to schedule and a rigid devotion to said schedule.

I went out of my mind last night waking up at 2:30, 5:30, and every five minutes thereafter with frequent daydreams in-between for fear of being late to work. (my daydreams were of being late to work). I'm out of my mind because of my job and scheduling.

So I think I'm just an introvert who wants to spend more time alone than I am now and perhaps one of three things will happen: I will not get enough alone time ever and be driven mad, I overcome this problem and start acting normal, I spend more and more time alone and finally finish all the books I want to read and because a super awesome writer and then emerge full prepared to be the awesome person I wanted to be only I'm a loser without friends who doesn't remember how to interact with people...

I know what you are wondering.

"Did you schedule livejournaling time 'cause this is unnecessarily to long."

Agreed it is. I did schedule computer time but I'm going over that because I can't stop writing.

Anyway I was thinking all these things and then in mass on Sunday I suddenly felt very lonely and wished I was really close to someone like a best friend who I hung out with all the time (I.E. more than Tom) or a significant other I was really close to, who completed me. It made me sad.

Actually all I wanted to do was write to ask if anyone wanted to go to the Desdemona Music Festival with me this weekend. I really want to go Sunday but would be willing to go the whole weekend if someone will go with me. (I scheduled it into my weekend ergo you will be a hero if you want to go with me.)

Check out the web site http://www.desdemonafestival.com/

It is at Sawyer Point, $12 for one day $24 for the weekend. I need a friend...

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 01:39:09 GMT

My life is over.

Too much salt in your diet can lead to hear diseases/complications and increase the risk of a heart attack.

My family already has problems with that and i eat three bags of pretzels a week.

Die early/live happy eat pretzels?
                                          \
                                            \
                                              \                                    Live long/ miss delicious pretzels?
                                                \                                                    /
                                                  \                                                /
                                                    \                                            /
                                                  I                                             I
                                                  I                hmmm...              I
                                                  I                                               I

Lifeguarding Bio

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 01:12:30 GMT

Matthew J. Weinkam (LG, CPRPR, WSI, MVL ’04)

Despite the high hopes of friends and family alike, Matt did not make it through his first year at Miami and was asked to withdrawal from the university after failing all his classes, including both The Eastern European Vampire Tradition and Social Dance. Unsubstantiated accusations of “juicing” from the club Ultimate Frisbee team added insult to academic injury and left him with a scarred reputation and minimal, at best, hopes for the future. Looking to find any silver lining to the near apocalyptical clouds of his short lived collegiate career, Matt plans on using his new found free time to write songs for his indie rock band, Nun Shield, and write a best selling memoir about his life as an obsessive compulsive youth swim team coach of the legendary, bizarre Mighty Meatballs of Western Hills that will, with any luck, one day become a feature film. He still enjoys pretzels, a hot bubble bath by candle light, and, of course, long walks on the beach.

Discuss

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 01:28:10 GMT

If you come home from a long day and are exhausted should you flop on the couch and announce to everyone that you are exhausted or pretend like you are fine? The couch method seems to be self-serving, looking for sympathy, but the saintly way seems to be self-righteous and unnecessary. Moral debacle.

I am currently trying the latter.

NES III

Wed, 31 May 2006 03:46:15 GMT

A few things... two specifically...

I was listening to 103.5 (greatest station ever) and trying to rock out to The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel and learned that no matter how loud I sing the ‘li la lis’or head bang, one cannot rock out to Simon and Garfunkel, one can only fidget in their seat and have their soul moved.

Tonight I experienced life the way it was truly meant, watching Jack Black in The NeverEnding Story III while consuming Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. There are only two words to describe the experience and you know what they are...

Grandmother's Spatula

Wed, 24 May 2006 02:36:32 GMT

Disclaimer: This entry counts for all the ones I have missed for the past three monthes and the next three as well. As such it contains things most people do not care about at such an alarming length as to prompt me to create a table on contents for your ease and comfort. You now have the information you care about at the tips of your fingers and a simply way of ignoring the vast material you’d only read under life threatening conditions.

You can also read a “chapter” and set the “book” down and come back to it later if you don’t wish to read it all in one sitting. Thank you and namaste.

CONTENTS serving size 572 words (7 servings per package)
    10
    Schedule
    College
    Work
    Goals
    Me now
    Random

10 (or 12…)

Take a look at your friends list, and list up to 10 things you want to say to 10 different LJ friends. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation' ...Then tag five (5)people.

1. Why are we always at odds? I enjoy joking and laughing and pretending like I don’t like my friends as much as the next person but when do we actually get to be close? I’d like to hang out. I’d like to hang out a lot and act like most friends do (while being awesome of course).

2. Is it sad that I miss you already? I know it is only a matter of time before we are reunited but I feel like nothing will be as awesome without you here.

3. I like our chemistry. I like our atmosphere. I like our humor and I like who I am around you. Why can’t I be like that around anyone else? Why do I keep reverting to my old ways? I cannot thank you enough. You are my hero, idol and love.

4. I am torn. I really want to hang out. I really want to be close again. I want to go back to the start and laugh and be crazy again but I think too much has come between. But I fear we both have changed too much, gone in a lot of the same directions and a lot of different ones. You are more passionate than I am and that makes me proud and jealous at the same time. I just feel like I have self destructed what could have been the most amazing thing in my life and I want to take that back.

5. You know how you always have those friends that you just think are awesome? Too general… Um, you know how you always have those friends who aren’t really close but more casual and joke related and as a result think they are awesome. I think that’s what we are and I like it but want to make more of that. We saw each other a lot and ate a lot but only went in-depth once or twice. I think things got awkward when we started to go to parties and some people suggested hooking up, probably because part of me at least thought it was a good idea and another part thought it wasn’t. I don’t know what to think about that any more I just want us to be able to go out and hang out and have fun and be personal without being scared.

6. There are some friendships you want to end but can’t. You get in to deep. A part of me wants to forget about you completely and another part of me can’t let you go. There is so much pain, so much discomfort, so much discrepancy in needs and want that most of the time I wonder why it is still happening. But then something happens, something reminds me of you, someone mentions you, we do something together and I wonder why I want to end things. I guess I am too distanced and want to remain to distanced and I get uncomfortable when someone is different than that. I’m not saying it should end. I not saying you should change or I should change or there is an answer to this or there isn’t. I just needed to say it to you because it’s been inside for too long.

7. I feel bad because I think I am leading you into something that I’m not sure I want. Things started out well, started out amazing, but I am afraid I have fallen in love with the start, the beginning, the chase and once I am in I back out, I don’t want it. You are an amazing person but I don’t think its right and I feel bad because of it. I think I have too many problems: I think the grass is greener on the other side, I want to be loved but I want to be free and alone, I need distance for comfort. I think these things are reasons for my actions (not excuses) along with the fact that I realized we aren’t right for each other. I’m sorry.

8. You have always been there for me. Always. We are amazing together and I cannot thank you enough for making life fun and interesting. I think I’m going to cry. It is beyond words. In a good way. I love you.

9. You were scared you wouldn’t like me. Ha! What a laugh. I’m so glad we’ve gotten closer. You are another person I am so lucky to have met. I could not think of a better person to be with the best person. I like making you laugh. I think, for me at least, and this is weird to admit, but when someone brought up how funny it would be if I were trying to “get” you I got thrown off and have been since. I hadn’t thought of it before and still don’t want to or ever will but ever since they said that it’s like this awkward wall was put up between us in my mind. Whenever we talk to I make you laugh or hug I think, “I hope this isn’t taken by anyone as more than it is.” I think of you as a sister who I would love to just hang out with and talk to about everything that is going on and the stuff we need to get off our chests but I feel like I have put this between us and I shouldn’t. I like you but not in that way, not that I couldn’t like you in that way but I just don’t or won’t or whatnot. You get the idea. Now I’m just being silly and awkward. I think you’re awesome and you make me smile.

10. Life is so much simpler, happier, and easier with you gone. I feel guilty for what I’ve done and more so at the happiness it has brought me. I only hope it has made your life easier and better as well.

11. (You can’t keep me down! I do what I want!) We have been separated but will be close soon. Thank you for remembering me and asking me and making me smile when I don’t expect it. I can’t wait for next year.

12. I think you are cool and enjoyed dinner that one time with friends. (Yes, you!) Let’s be friends.

Rules were made to be ignored/broken/beaten into submission.

Schedule (or lack there of)

I really want to add more classes but they are all full. We shall see…
M
    Racquetball 11-12
    Intermediate Creative Writing 2-3
T
    Theories of Human Nature 9:30-11
    Racquetball 11-12
    17th Century Poetry and Prose 12:30-2
    Contemporary Moral Problems 2-4
W
    Racquetball 11-12
    Intermediate Creative Writing 2-3
R
    Theories of Human Nature 9:30-11
    Racquetball 11-12
    17th Century Poetry and Prose 12:30-2
    Contemporary Moral Problems 2-4
F
    Intermediate Creative Writing 2-3

College (the first step to failure)

I’ve been out of school for almost three weeks now and a lot of people have written sentimental entries on how much their first year changed them and how many awesome people they have met and how life is beautiful and sad and, well, there is enough material for a really bad song.

I have decided I will not write about my first year of college. I will not write about such sentimental things that mean next to nothing to almost no one and are only a vent of the emotions boiling inside of us that are fun to look back on in a few years.

I personally didn’t meet any awesome people at college. I didn’t enjoy my roommate at all. I didn’t adopt his humor or philosophy or mannerisms or musical taste or come to worship him. I didn’t like my roommate’s girlfriend or connect with her at all.

I didn’t hang out with my sister or go to parties at her place or meet and enjoy her friends. I didn’t join her co-ed service fraternity Alpha Phi Omega or become elected to pledge spirit chair. I didn’t have fun with them at all or make lots of new friends with that group.

I didn’t like my corridor. It did not determine who I am today at all. We didn’t read tarot cards, play Bang!, have breakfast club Fridays, play Street Fighter, have Nerf fights, go badassing or any other such activities.

I didn’t steal over 18 days of music.

I didn’t enjoy any of my classes or get a second major of Philosophy, or attempt to help start a philosophy club. I didn’t improve my writing or read anything I liked.

I didn’t drink or smoke pot.

I didn’t like Micah or his shoes. I didn’t like Dylan Sol Vorris and how bad he was at every sport or his girlfriend who was definitely not the coolest girl I’ve ever met.

I really enjoyed Calculus 2 with my favorite teacher Biata Randrionetta.

I did not have four relationships that didn’t end well. Or did I not have four relationships that ended well? Hmm. It’s a debacle.

I did not say It’s a Debacle when it didn’t fit.

I didn’t do well in my classes or like vampire or dance class.

I did not have the time of my life and I did not enjoy every minute.

I wanted to leave the whole time and when the end of the year came I didn’t want to stay.

I didn’t fear missing my new friends or not seeing anyone again.

And I definitely did not sit in the passenger seat of my uncle’s van with the windows down after saying goodbye to my friends and look at the road stretching strait out in the distance and think that this was the end of the first of four of the best years of my life and the road lay ahead of me with ups and downs and nearly come to tears with the impact of the big picture and the weight of life and its freedom and endless possibility and joy and happiness and sadness and anger that all add up to beauty in its truest form, closing my eyes and feeling the wind on my face. That most definitely did not happen.

I am glad I didn’t write about anything sentimental. That would just be silly.

Work(s)

What? A greenhouse. A. J. Rhan’s. I restock plants, get them from back greenhouses and put them in retail. I sometimes have to rearrange them on tables, move them, clean them, water them, or talk to them.

Where? On Grey Road across from spring grove.

When? For the rest of the week/weekend I am working at A. J. Rahn’s Greenhouse. I started the Sunday after exams (exciting!) and have been working everyday but Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Why? My mom has been working there for about five years and the Rahns are friends of the parish and thus I was given a job for the time during which I would been unemployed, namely May. Basically because my parents want me to.

The perks? Flowers are awesome things. I am learning the types (slowly) and their names and which ones are cool looking and not. The greenhouses are very romantic, small oldish interestingly configured, filled with lots of cats (one has a kitten cute to the max) and an old silent happy dog. It is small and family owned, the people are interesting (if conservative and opinionated). Larry is old and has trouble with things. He has a raspy almost smoker’s voice. He folds the boxes into shape that we give to customers to put their plants in. He also sits with the animals and just is bizarre and unique and fascinating and loveable. He always asks me how many boxes we will need and if I’m life guarding at the beach. Mr. Rahn, the grandfather, is very nice and less old. He strolls around and waters plants that don’t need watering to the dismay and frustration of Susan and Joe who basically run the place. He is kind, helpful to customers, quiet, and peaceful. He makes me happy too. It is so beautiful I wish I were an artist. So many interesting plants, people, and animals, there is a doll house/kids house out by the perennials that is about12 feet high and awesome looking. The light streams in from the glass and sets the perfect scene. I just want to live my life there drawing and petting the cats and dog and watching people and looking. Instead I think I will write a story about it.

The catch? Working weekends. Working from 8 to 6. Becoming exhausted. Getting hot. Having nothing to do. Having too much to do and not finishing it. Feeling like I don’t fit in. Being shy.

What? Lifeguarding, swim instructing and coaching swim team at West Hi pool.

Where? Western hills on Ferguson by the Kroger and Wal Mart neat Glenway Crossing.

When? Training is the 4th and we clean and open the next week. I work Monday through Friday from 7:15 to 5:30 with swim meets Wednesday nights.

Why? Because we’re still opened but never know if it is our last year.

The Perks? 9 dollars an hour. Swimming all day. Working with kids. Coaching a swim team to a championship to two championships and hopefully a third in a row. Getting back in shape. Joking with Natalie and Lois. Seeing the kids again. Accomplishing something with my job. Feeling loved and looked up to.

The catch? Exhausting. Time consuming (I have to make up practices and think about teaching strategy). Working with kids. Disgruntled parents. Kids who don’t want to swim. Kids who are jerks/mean/up to no good. Parents who are jerks/mean/up to no good. Limited amount of patience. Lack of a loud voice.

What does this mean? I have a week off to relax and hang out and get things done (not going to happen) before I can only do things on weekends.

Goals (things you pretend like you have so you can feel miserable when you don’t accomplish them by the end of the summer)

Listen to my music that I have gotten and want to find out how I like them or if I should get rid of them.
Editors
Flaming Lips
Radiohead
Arctic Monkies
Badly Drawn Boy
All of the Beatles
Ben Harper
The rest of Ben Kweller
Ben Lee
Beulah
Bob Marley
My other albums by Bright Eyes
The Byrds
The Clash
Coheed
Cursive
Damien Rice
Darude
David Bowie
The Doors
Doves
Dredg
Electric Light Orchestra
Elliot Smith
The Futureheads
Gogol Bordello
Grandaddy
Her Space Holiday
Interpol
Iron & Wine
Johnny Cash
Jurassic 5
k-os
Kings of Convenience
Matisyahu
Morningwood
Neko Case
The New Amsterdams
Of Montreal
OK go
The Ramones
Ratatat
Richard Swift
Ryan Adams
Snow Patrol
Sondre Lerche
Stereophonics
The Streets
The Strokes
10 days of They Might be Giants
Tom Waits
Wilco
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

That should keep me busy.

Books that I need to read:

Crime and Punishment
The Brothers Karamazov
Mrs. Dalloway
Notes from a Native Son
The Screwtape Letters
Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals
The Great Gatsby
Some Oscar Wilde stuff.

I need to keep writing as well. I’d like to write at least two short stories and a screenplay.

What is Matt into now? (Because I want to be just like that egocentric jerk!)

Music

I think Sufjan Stevens is the most amazing musician ever. I’d getting into Spoon. I’ve liked Neutral Milk for a while. I think the Shins and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah are great. Belle & Sebastian I like along with the White Stripes.

Movies

Top 5 entertaining movies
Edward Sissorhands
Rushmore
Herold and Mod
Shakespeare in Love
Porko Roso (or any miazaki movie)

Top 5 meaningful movies
Hamlet
Gandhi
Schindler’s List
Crash
The Pianist

Top 5 overall movies
American Beauty
The Shawshank Redemption
Fight Club
Memento
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind

New favorite movie Hook

Looking forward to
All the Kings Men
Art School Confidential
Drawing Restraint 9
X men 3
Little Miss Sunshine
Nacho Libre
An Inconvenient Truth
Pirates 2
Talladega Nights
Snakes on a Plane
The Science of Sleep
Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

Online Comics

Dr. McNinja is always funny
Animals Have Problems Too is simple and consistently awesome
Dinosaur Comics is bizarre
White Ninja is bizarre and mind numbing
Stuff Sucks is new, well drawn, and compelling
Questionable content is addicting like no other
A Lesson is Learned is beautiful and philosophical

They are awesome and they make Monday Wednesday and Friday awesome.

Random (the essence of life … or something like that)

If Mr. Clean and Mr. Coffee got together what do you think would happen?

I don’t throw things away and this trend has carried over to music. I still have things on my computer I never listen to and hate but I keep thinking there will be a party or mixed CD for someone where it would be funny to have played.

Are weeping willows the emo kids of trees? Does that make Oaks the preppy ones?

The band once known as Shifty Eyes for President has changed it’s name to Nun Shield. The first single off the self titled album will be Tickle in my Eyeball. Look for in on iTunes soon.

I miss the taste of hose water…

I think it is odd how certain types of conversation demand that we say things that are not funny as though they were and the other party must laugh at those things. If this does not happen bad things happen. For example: I was working at the greenhouse parking cars on a busy day and people walk say things like, “So you’re the traffic man.” “I guess so. The job’s been easy so far.” “It’ll get crazy before you know it!” fake laugh. Not funny but under the circumstance I had to laugh or I wouldn’t have a sense of humor. I was driven to such lengths as well. Someone would ask “Can I take this cart?” “sure. Take either one.” “I’ll take the bigger one.” “I’m glad to hear that!” and I fake laugh… It’s not funny but it is what must happen. I really wanted to do things I would actually think were funny like overzealous pointing to a spot, leaning forward with and intense look on my face while I hold myself up by and hand and point to a spot with the other nearly horizontal. That to me is funny. The closest I came to doing that got a bad reaction and so I didn’t even think about it. I did a halfhearted funny little jig, a dance if you will, and the people just looked at me like “I guess they’re giving jobs away to the crazies from the hospital. Don’t look at him, he’ll think you’re from the CIA coming to kill him.”

I want to talk for a minute about relationships. I am in a moral conundrum, debacle if you will and need outside opinion. I think I may be in love with falling in love. I think I have gotten into things for the chase recently and I think it is bad. The past three times I have unofficially gotten together with a girl I was really excited but once I found out who they were/saw who they really were I couldn’t see myself being with them and ended things.
Take for example my most recent relationship. Things started out really well. We flirted and eventually went to a movie with friends. Then I asked her out on a date to a dance which went very very well and we talked to each other often and did a few more things together before summer break. Now I am having second thoughts. We have different interests and awkward conversations. She is kind of an awkward person in general and I’m not the smoothest either but things are getting weird in my opinion. I can’t see myself with her long term.
This brings me to the center of my debate: does one only date people one really likes? Must a person see things going anywhere? On one end there are people who date anyone interested in them. They hook up with them, consider it nothing serious and move on. This is not right in my opinion because sometimes people get lead on into believing that things are more serious than they actually are and if they both understand that it isn’t going somewhere then that is using each other which isn’t right either. Then there are those who just date people they think are cool but could never see themselves with long term. This is different then those who don’t want to think about long term (we’ll deal with those soon). Is it right to be in a relationship that you don’t take seriously or don’t see going anywhere? I don’t think so.
On the other hand there are those who wait and wait for the one person who they think will be perfect. The person who they think they will marry. They date no one else but simply wait until they are sure this is the one. This isn’t right either in my opinion. Sometimes you don’t know someone is right for you until you date them for a while and how can you compare the person who you think is the one if you have never dated anyone else? As Brigh Eyes say in my favorite song by them called This is the First Day of my Life “I’d rather be working for a paycheck then waiting to win the lottery.” You can’t just wait to hit it big with the right person you have to date other people to find out.
But now we are trapped. Because if you date people to find the one the only way you can do that without being the kind of person who dates people they don’t see themselves with is by falling in love with every person you date. Now there are some people who are very passionate about life, very emotional. Every person they date they think is the one. They are in love, deeply committed and think about marriage and things. Then things don’t go well, there is a fight or they are dumped and they are devastated and realize that wasn’t the person for them so they move onto a new one and repeat the process. This isn’t good either because then when you think you have found the one how do you know because it could be the same as every other time you thought that?
I am detached and recently have tended to fall in love with someone and start to date them only to realize that I cannot end up with them. Do I drop them then and there? That doesn’t seem right. Do I keep things going even if I don’t think they are going anywhere? That seems even worse. It’s not just that I discover we won’t end up together but when I discover that it eats away at me and I stop liking them. That’s no good.
Don’t think I am taking dating too seriously. I’m not stressing out or anything I am just trying to come to a conclusion, set my mind at rest and see what other people think is the “right” way to date, if there is such a thing.

So ends the longest live journal ever. I think this is even longer than when I posted my 17 page research paper on gay marriage because that was double spaced. This is 11 pages single spaced.

You have been updated. If you have any questions about me and my life ask them here and now.

Coming Attractions!

Tue, 16 May 2006 06:07:42 GMT

Things to put in my next post...

- 10 things to 10 people (Why? The gods demand it!)
- Next year's schedule ... of doom!
- Definately not a sentimental look back on the first year of college
- Work, what it is and how much of it there is at the moment
- Hodgepodge of debaucheries and random thoughts
- Q: What is Matt viewing/reading/doing, or not doing, now? A: Next time on the exciting adventures of ...

Tue, 02 May 2006 06:56:28 GMT

I just watched an episode of Legends of the Hidden Temple on youtube. The Silver Snakes won and I got excited.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 17:12:39 GMT

Mostly Hobbes

You are 30% Calvin and 70% Hobbes

You've got elements of both Calvin and Hobbes, but over all, your sensible side wins out over your wild streak, and you tend toward the tiger. As the picture below indicates, the head is the first place that people usually turn to the darkside (i.e. Calvin): symptoms include irresponsible behavior and crazy ideas. You're liable to both. But beneath that you have a heart, a sensitive side, and this more often than not carries the day.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 13% on calvin

You scored higher than 73% on hobbes

Link: The Calvin Or Hobbes Test written by gwendolynbooks on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

On the other hand, I'm 100% calvin and hobbes 100% of the time.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 15:56:30 GMT

Lesson learned: you cannot drink a whole gallon of milk in an hour, even if you train for weeks. It really isn't possible. Don't try it.

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 03:05:48 GMT

I accidentally got my mac on tonight. I incidentally used stalking to hit on a girl. There was some minor flirtation that calls to mind Ryan's infamous galoshes episode.

I was leaving Tappan on my way to the library when a girl I had never seen before exited the second floor and descended the steps in front of me. I thought nothing of it until I noticed a large text book in her hand that lead me to believe she might also be on her way to the library.

It was dark outside and though the crime alerts were far behind us I knew I was an imposing looking man, really dark and sinister, you know rapist material.

Walking down the slant from Tappan (after we both paused to observe flapjack, the local raccoon, pawing at his favorite trash can buffet) I noticed she was walking rather fast and grew concerned that she might truly be afraid of my awesome presence.

When we both turned the same direction I thought it best to say something to calm her fears in case she was going to the library that i would be following her and that I, in fact, was not a rapist.

"You aren't going to the library by any chance?"

She turned around and realized I was talking to her. "No, actually I'm not."

"Oh. I was just concerned we were both going the same direction. I didn't want to think I was stalking you when we kept turning the same direction."

She laughed.

"Don't worry. This campus is safe anyway. There was that one week of crime alerts but other than that we're fine."

"Yeah. It just seemed like you were walking awful fast."

"Oh no. I wasn't concerned."

At this point I was concerned we would still be walking in the same direction but now in uncomfortable silence.

"So where are you going, if you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine. I'm just headed to Minnich so it's not that far. Getting some early studying done?"

"Working on a project actually. That raccoon is nuts by the way."

"I thought he was flapjack?"

"Yeah, that's his name, but he's crazy."

"Yep. Well good luck."

"Thanks. It was nice not stalking you."

I've never used stalking as a good start to a conversation but I think I should begin to use it more.

"Hi, my name is Matt and I'm not stalking you."

"I know we've been in the same class the whole semester but I didn't start stalking you till now, I swear."

"Just because I'm following you everywhere you go doesn't mean I'm stalking you."

"I don't remember any restraining order."

Add those to my pick up lines poster.

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 16:30:52 GMT

I have a couple surprises for everyone the next time they see me. Get excited!

I'm a Cuckoo - Belle & Sebastian

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 17:41:18 GMT

I'm glad to see you
I had a funny dream
You were wearing funny shoes
You were going to a dance
You were dressed like a punk but you were too young to remember

Glad to see you
I'm outside the house
I'm not thinking right today
I've got no energy
I'm glad that you were waiting with me
Tell me all about your day

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
And a wondering how things could've been

I'm happy for you
You've made it hard for me
I counted on your company
You were staying with your friends tonight
I'm feeling sorry for myself
I keep taking everything to be to be a sign

I'm happy for you
Now I know this hurt is poison
Too sharp to be bled
I'm sitting on my empty bed
On my empty bed
At night the fever grows it's pounding pounding

I'd rather be in Tokyo
Id rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
Watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

Scary moment, lovin' every moment
I was high from playing shows
We lost a singer to her clothes
My trouble raised its ugly head
I was revealed
And I was home in bed
I was a kid again

Jesus told me, go after every coin like it was the last in the
world
And protect the wayward child
But I'm a little lost sheep
I need my Bo peep
I know I need my Shepherd here tonight

Breaking off is misery
I see a wildness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
And a wondering how things could've been

I'd like to see you
But really I should stay away
And let you settle down
I've got no claims to your crown
I was the boss of you
And I loved you
You know I loved you
It's all over now

I was there for you
When you were lonely
I was there when you were sad
I was there when you were bad
Now it's my time of need
I'm thinking, do I have to plead to get you by my side?

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
Watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 05:04:43 GMT

*Your Life: The Soundtrack*
Opening credits:	We Are Going to be Friends - The White Stripes
Waking up:	Good Morning Starshine - 5th Demesion
Average day:	Paperback Writer - The Beatles
First date:	First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Falling in love:	In The Aeroplane Over The Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel
Love scene:	The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
Fight scene:	Duel of the Fates - John Williams
Breaking up:	Evaporated - Ben Folds Five
Getting back together:	I Want You Back - The Jackson Five
Secret love:	The Way I Feel Inside - The Zombies
Life's okay:	Those to Come - The Shins
Mental breakdown:	End Scene - Romeo + Juliet
Driving:	The Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
Learning a lesson:	We Never Change - Coldplay
Deep thought:	Sound Of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel
Flashback:	Red Roght Ankle - The Decemberists
Partying:	Bicycle Race - Queen
Happy dance:	Move Your Feet - Junior Senior
Regreting:	Transatanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
Long night alone:	The Heart OF Saturday Night - Tom Waits
Death scene:	Exit Music (For a Film) - Radiohead
Closing credits:	Someone Saved My Life Tonight - Elton John
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

So Ends An Era

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 09:18:17 GMT

We often mark different periods of our life by objects or possessions. We can recall the year we listened to Third Eye Blind non stop, we can look back on the Lego era, there are shirts I became attached to for periods and would wear them non stop. For some reason, objects, mere possessions become more than that, like the velveteen rabbit.

Today, a select few friends and family witness the death of one such object. Tears were shed as it slowly faded from weakness. Today we lay to rest the Blue Moon Lucky Charms Digital Watch.

Born right out of the box over a year and a half ago, BMLCDW watched over me. Gradually it, no... he, became apart of me. When other watched broke down or left, he stayed strong. We met girls, impressed strangers, and occasionally slept in the same bed. We were closer than friends, closer than brothers, we were one and the same. When the night came our souls intertwined to become as two in one body, and when he faded ... a part of me faded too.

I speak to you a broken and empty man. I can only hope to live as he would have wanted me too, in his memory. I keep him on my wrist as a reminder of the good times we shared together.

I here there are ways of raising the dead, rumors of miracle workers called "jewelers" who can put the life back into those who have passed. This gives me hope. Perhaps one day we will be reunited when we can share in the divinity of life after death. I seek out the best jeweler and pray that we meet again.

Until then, my good and ever faithful friend, rest in peace.

Thus ends and era.

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 20:26:19 GMT

I only wanted to tell you
I took a detour today
and walked slowly down a mud-paved trail
past the pond, half covered in ice,
when I felt a warmth like june
that I had missed
and made me think of you.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 05:11:38 GMT

I feel like I'm living my life like one of Tom's RPG characters, building myself up, collecting all the neccessary items and skills to be up to the task of the final battle.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 01:51:59 GMT

it is finished

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 20:11:38 GMT

It is hard to change your life, especially during exam week. I have been completely rethinking my life and need to get motivated to make the changes I want.

Checklist

Read every book I've ever wanted to read and then read some more
Write everything I have thought of but never got around to writing and then write some more
Remember people's names, details, song titles, authors and philosophers and their works and ideas
Memorize songs from bright eyes, beatles, decemberists, IY, frank sinatra, and more
Purchase the clothes I want
Lighten up and stop being so down on myself
Be active, be-e active
Try new things, ALWAYS
Swim more
Keep up on current events
Spend every minute doing something I won't regret
Repeat all until I don't have to think about it